Mission Accomplished: Sean Spicer Declares Victory in Vietnam

21 January, Washington

Thank you. Thank you all very much.

I have a message from the President. A President, I might add, whose crushing victories in both the popular vote and the Electoral College have in no way made him insecure.

No, really. I mean it. Believe me.

Anyway, …

Breitbart, Infowars, officers and sailors of the USS Pat Buchanan, my fellow Americans, President Trump and I are very pleased to announce that major combat operations in Vietnam have ended.

We have waited for this moment for far too many years and through too many films of uneven quality, but, in the war in Vietnam, the United States has now prevailed.

Our nation will obviously be proud of this accomplishment, yet it is you, the forgotten people of the United States, who achieved it. Your courage, your willingness to believe anything we tell you, made this day possible.

Because of you our nation appears more secure.

Operation Rewriting History was carried out with a combination of precision and speed and boldness the enemy did not expect and the world had not seen before. You have shown them all the gullibility and the anger of the American people.

This campaign – the nation – thanks all of the members of the Republican Party who joined in a noble cause over the course of many years.

And tonight, I have a special word for Kellyanne Conway, for Katrina Pierson and Ormarosa, and for all the men and women, but especially the ladies, who have helped so much: the Dear Leader is grateful for a job well done.


This is but one part of a wider war.

The transition from the weight of history and the norms and obligations of democracy continues and will take time, but it is worth every effort. America and our coalition – Alex Jones, Wikileaks, and the Kremlin – will finish what we have begun.

The use of force has been and remains our last resort. Yet all can know, friend and foe alike, that our administration has a continuing mission.

CNN is wounded, not destroyed. The scattered cells of The New York Times still operate in many nations and we know from daily intelligence that Buzzfeed continue to plot against our people.

The proliferation of a free press remains a serious danger. But our administration has taken unprecedented measures to defend the homeland and we will continue to hunt down the enemy before she can strike.

The war on truth is not over, yet it is not endless. We do not know the day of final victory, but we have seen the turning of the tide.

No act of the media will change our purpose, or weaken our resolve, or alter their fate. Their cause is lost; a nation free of fact will press on to victory.

Thank you for serving our country! Together, we will Make History Great Again!

May God help us all.


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